Healing the pain, without the apology.

This card is the Eight of Cups from the Tarot Deck Golden Art Nouveau by Giulia F. Massaglia

I chose this card in the tarot, as it represents emotional dissatisfaction and being able to walk away toward a journey of self discovery.  

                                                                

If we were in an accident, and were badly hurt, no one would ever say or expect us to “just deal with it” and move on. They would appear indifferent and heartless to even suggest it. Yet somehow, when we get our hearts broken, people will give that advice, especially if they are the ones who hurt us.

The “let’s move on” without discussing it, or us not getting the accountability we feel we deserve from those who hurt us, is about them, not us. Many times, when other people hurt us it is because they have not dealt with their own pain and loss. They have been told to “move on,” and haven’t grieved what has happened to them, and what has not happened for them. 

We all get triggered by our unresolved pain, instead of asking for help (and appearing weak) many of us lash out and hurt someone else instead. Addressing an open vulnerable conversation with them will be futile, as it is just too risky. They don’t want to hear what they have done when they were not at their best. So we all walk around a bit wounded, and stuff down our feelings. Then we may get told we are not strong enough if we can’t move on.

Strength is “looking the devil in the eye,” as they say. It is having the courage to face our pain and address it. It’s in those vulnerable times we find the courage to move on, as we have honored ourselves and the people we have hurt.

For some, being confronted with an comfortable situation will lead to defensiveness and denial, and may lead to personal insults. This is a defense mechanism, and has nothing to do with us.

But we don’t need that apology we may never get. We can heal on our own, without begging for understanding or over-explaining, and feeling small and insignificant. We are better than that, and we can hold onto our own spiritual sovereignty. Love from another wants to heal what they have done. Love for ourselves will not accept anything less.

I find that in order to feel the strength, I need to take good care of myself. It helps me to keep balanced. It is  going to bed early when I need to, eating healthy and light foods, moving (even if it’s not working out in the gym), journaling, talking things out with people I can trust, and treating myself as that little girl inside me who needs the pain to heal.

I am sending you love, and kindness - and assurance that your feelings are real and very much matter, even if you don’t get that apology.

 

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Creativity Is Good for Your Spiritual Well Being 🎨🎵🎭

📸This is a picture I took of a museum replica of Frida Kahlo's art space. 

She's one of my favorite artists 💗

There is a strong relationship between creativity and our spiritual, emotional, mental and physical health. There are studies also correlating creativity with longevity.

Observing cellist Pablo Casals shows how playing his cello alleviated his symptoms of arthritis and emphysema. A study of a group of senior citizens participating in art classes reported an amazing 96% felt more alive and fresh, 88% felt less lonely, and 94% felt more at peace with themselves. 

Aligning ourselves with the flow of an act that we feel passionate about gives us a sense of purpose. This makes our focus so intense that we lose our sense of time and space. We become one with our intention and craft.

The appreciation for creating, and also the creation, has a very positive affect on us. Aesthetics play a huge role in our happiness and appreciation. As Shahram Heshmat writes in Psychology Today, “Aesthetic emotions play a crucial role in the processing and enjoyment of art. In the presence of beautiful things, we feel a broad range of emotions, such as fascination, surprise, awe, feelings of transcendence, wonder, and admiration.” 

As you might guess, the one thing that inhibits creativity the most is the fear of judgment from others. If we could venture into uncharted waters and let go, and feel that we are living in our own Spiritual Sovereignty (click here for my blog post on this topic), we can then become part of a beautiful creation that we ourselves create. It takes courage to remove the critical voices in your head, whether they be yours or somebody else’s. We all have those voices.

Interestingly, the top wish of the dying, (as described in my blog post here), is “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Creativity is an opportunity for self expression, learning a new skill, discovering an untapped talent, and using our imagination to create something beautiful.

Consider some of these creative ideas to get started:

📕Start a journal

🌠Create a vision board

📖Write a story

📝Craft a poem

🎵Learn to play a musical instrument

🗺Write down 100 things you would like to try

🤯Design a mind map

🧶Knit something

🧵Sew an outfit

🧵Needlepoint or Cross Stitch

🪑Make a piece of furniture (my mom did this!)

🎴Create a personalized greeting card for someone

🥘Cook a new recipe

✏️Draw a picture

🎨Paint a painting

🎭Role play

👗Add style to your wardrobe

📸Take a photo series

👩🏻‍💻Write a blog

📽Film a vlog

And there are so many more!

Free yourself from mundane and obsessive thoughts, improve your problem solving skills, and discover new interests and things about yourself you didn’t even know existed. Unleash your spirit, and be YOU!

 

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Watching the movie of our lives from the other side. 🎦🙏🏻😇

I am writing this blog, as it is two years this weekend that I lost my mom. I often wonder where she is, and if she has found peace on the other side. I believe she has. It’s the most surreal thing in the world to lose someone so close to you, such as a parent. I was with my mother in her last moments, when she took her last breath and passed away. The nurses in hospice had prepared me - they know when someone will transition within 24 hours. Watching my mother in her last moments was beautiful. We knew she was ill and in pain, and now she was in her final stage. It was serene, spiritual, and magical in its own way. I was watching her release her pain from this world and go to the other side. 

There has been much documentation regarding what happens after we pass, from people who have experienced a near death experience. They collectively say that we look back on our lives, and review it as though it’s a movie. We see how our actions and decisions have affected other people. We also observe how our actions may have affected their lives and decisions, which, in turn, may have affected other people’s lives and decisions. It’s an ongoing cycle, always turning and twisting.

What I find interesting is that in contrast of this notion, is that while we’re here on earth, we mostly think about ourselves.

I remember years ago speaking with someone who told me he was not spiritual, and that he was an atheist. He shared with me that he knew if he believed in “something,” he would have made different decisions. We both knew he meant “better decisions.”

Why? Because when you live a spiritual life, you believe there’s something bigger than yourself. The “self” wants immediate gratification, it wants to be right, it wants to be recognized, and many times, it wants to be glorified. The ego needs that to survive. Alternatively, thinking of ourselves as part of the “whole,” makes us more compassionate. And as we try to comprehend what we cannot understand, it helps us become more whole with others, and stronger together, as a result. 

Our actions mean something, and that matters, even if someone challenges us. 

I’ll end this blog with a little story Years ago, sitting in a small cafe in New York City, a woman walked in with this incredible flair and I complimented her on her outfit. She responded with, “You don’t know how much that means to me today. I am feeling terrible about myself, ugly and disconnected. I could hardly get out of the house. Your compliment really made my day and uplifted my spirits.” I didn’t know anything about her, but what I did know was what a compliment about someone’s outfit could do for her self esteem and feeling of worthiness.

Many people don’t divulge if they’re having disagreements with their spouses or are going through a divorce, or have concerns about money. They may have frustration with their kids, or concerns about their health. Or it could be they simply feel tired, old, and unlovable.

So, what will your movie show you about your life?

 

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How about living in the present? ☀️🌓✨🙏🏻

📸Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@fuuj

Many of us think about what we are doing now, and how it is going to affect our future. Many times we do things only to affect our future. But how about living in the here and now? 

What if we were living freely, accepting that what we are going through right now, is what we need for our spiritual growth? Have faith what happens in the future is what we will need for our spiritual growth. Accept what has happened in the past was needed for our spiritual growth.

If we were to be completely honest with ourselves, we would admit we are probably not the same person we were 10, 15, or 20 years ago. What happened between then and now has morphed us into who we are, and what we are doing now is morphing us into who we will be in the future.

When I look back on my life, it feels like I’ve traveled through a curved path to be where I am now. Not that this is the end of the story, but it’s where I am in my journey. Could that be enough? 

Could we accept that our time is limited on earth, and we need to experience in order to know? Once we know more, we become increasingly whole. We become fuller within ourselves. We have more empathy for people, because we’ve been through some of the same things. If we don’t suffer, we can’t have compassion for the suffering of others. If we don’t have joy, we cannot appreciate the subtle miracles in our every day lives.

Living in the moment can be one of the most challenging things we do. Our brain wants to know, so it can analyze and predict, and then plan to keep us safe. The process gives us a false sense of security because we truly never know what is ahead. Yet the analytical mind carries on as it does, as survival is the primary goal of the organism. 

Our spiritual self, however, knows we can trust ourselves, given our inner strength. We are an important part of the universal ecosystem.

When you think about what the spirit needs to experience in order to know, it needs to be living in the physical world. And as life is unpredictable, changing, challenging, and sometimes daunting, experiences have a purpose, though they may not make sense to us in the moment. 

Deep trauma can derail us. How can God let this happen? For many of us, we simply don’t know. There are things we can never understand while we are here on earth. Many situations have no clear purpose.

My core belief is that we are here to experience, so we can learn. The purpose is to feel, in order to know. "Now I know how you feel," is a commonly understood and applicable phrase. We understand through feeling, we feel through experience.

There is a purpose for us being here, whatever road we are led down. While we have different experiences, with different degrees of emotion, we are stronger than we think. With the universe behind us, as a powerful force in our lives, we are strong enough to carry on, living in the “now” and knowing now has purpose. 

 

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Lucky Foods for the New Year 🍀🧧🤞😉

Happy New Year, everyone! I wanted to have a little fun with this blog, so I am sharing some 🍀lucky foods🍀 to bring in the New Year. 

Enjoy!

Black Eyed Peas

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@jasmine_waheed

Because black eyed peas resemble coins, they are believed to bring prosperity. To ensure extra luck, some people add corn kernels because they look like golden nuggets. This is a tradition in the south which demonstrates frugality and promotes prosperity in the new year.

Buttered Bread

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@rodolfomarques

New Years Day in Ireland is also known as “Day of the Buttered Bread.” Tradition says buttered bread placed outside the door symbolizes an absence of hunger in the household for the year to come. I will be serving this one for sure. Who doesn't love the simplicity of delicious, hearty bread and butter?

Raisins

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@andreas_haslinger

Tradition in Spain says 12 grapes or raisins eaten before midnight (one at each chime of the clock) will bring good luck for all 12 months of the coming year. Provided you finish all 12 before the stroke of midnight, you will be all set.

Greens

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@heatherbarnes

Because of their bright green color, hearty greens like kale, spinach, and collards resemble money. Belief has it, the more you eat, the more prosperous you’ll be (and healthier, too). Greens will be served in my home, for sure!

Pigs

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@fraumuksch

In some countries, (including Cuba, Spain, Portugal, Hungary and Austria), pigs symbolize progress. Some say it’s because these animals never move backward. In my book, foods shaped like pigs (chocolate figurines, perhaps) count, too. This vegetarian girl will pass on the real thing!

Unbroken Noodles

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@jckbck

Signifying longevity in Asian culture, a stir-fry of unbroken noodles is a tradition believed to bring good health and luck in the New Year. Anyone who can eat at least one long noodle without chewing or breaking it is said to enjoy the longest life and best luck of all! In China, Japan and other Asian countries, it’s customary to eat long noodles, signifying longevity.

Lentils

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@bettysubrizi_

As lentils resemble tiny coins, the custom of enjoying lentils in the New Year is a common Italian tradition said to bring wealth. Going deeper into the myth, when cooked, lentils plump with water, symbolizing growing wealth. Lentils are also considered good luck in Hungary, where they’re preferred in soup.

Cornbread

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@ralppie

Golden yellow and delicious, cornbread is especially popular in the South. Because its color is similar to that of gold, this bread is enjoyed by those hopeful for a prosperous year. A favorite throughout the year, cornbread is especially served as a New Year’s treat. it's fun and easy to make, and delicious too.

Clementines

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@diaduit

Round fruits, such as clementines, are enjoyed on New Year’s Day as their shape signifies the old year has come to a close, and the coming days hold the promise of a fresh start. Clementines resemble coins and symbolize wealth. This is something I will be adding - I love the flavor and the bright, gorgeous orange color.

Whole Fish

 📸 Photo credit: https://unsplash.com/@gregor_moser

In Chinese culture, serving fish whole (both head and tail intact) symbolizes prosperity, abundance, and a good year to come (from start to finish). According to Doris Lum, a Chinese cuisine expert, the Chinese word for “fish” sounds like the word for “abundance,” one of the many reasons fish has become a go-to good luck food.

I am wishing you a prosperous, healthy and happy new year, to bring you all the joy, adventure and love your heart can possibly carry. ❤️‍🩹😍💪

 

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Keeping the Holidays Sane, Simple and Real 🎄🕎🙏🏻

With the holidays coming at the end of the year, it’s great time to be reflective and thankful, and share with others what they mean to us. Sometimes with the holiday rush though, outside pressures, and need for everything to be perfect, can result in things getting costly, exhausting and frustrating.

Holiday Gifts: Instead of buying expensive gifts, maybe suggest token gifts and enjoy time together, even if it needs to be after the holidays. Instead of offense, you may just hear a sigh of relief! Some cool things to consider gifting are: 

🧶Something homemade 

💌A letter or poem letting someone know how much they mean to you

💍A family heirloom passed down

📺Subscriptions to websites, apps or streaming services

🎭Events or movie tickets

👟Association memberships

🥘Classes

💅Professional services

🥰You, and your time

Entertaining and Holiday Decorating: Truth is, people want to be around other people in order to feel a connection, not be bestowed with their decorations (at least that can be said for the people we want to be around!). And if there is an impression, it can be fleeting. What they will remember is the time with you. I used to worry endlessly about menus and setting everything up to impress, but now I enjoy the moment and the people I am with, and allow myself to be human. If you enjoy doing it and it’s fun, great. If you are doing it to impress, it may be something you need to re-think. Some of my best memories are being with people in one of our homes with no fanfare, just creating memories. When cooking recipes, things sometimes don’t come out perfectly, and that’s okay. It doesn’t matter. Just have fun with it and don’t let your need to be perfect stop you from trying new things. As Julia Child once said "One of the secrets, and pleasures, of cooking is to learn to correct something if it goes awry; and one of the lessons is to grin and bear it if it cannot be fixed.” Good advice for cooking, holidays, and life.

Schedules: To help keep holiday events and invites organized, I like to keep everything in my calendar, color coordinated, so I can see what I need to prepare for, and how many things I have scheduled. I get an overview of what my days and weeks ahead look like in order to plan new events. I am then able to manage my time without over-scheduling or missing commitments. 

Eating Healthy: When I eat out, I like to check out menus beforehand, so I can get a sense of what will be a good option, both in terms of taste and health. When going to a buffet-style event, I do the “food tour” before piling anything on my plate. I see what is available and then pick my favorites. When going to events at people’s homes, I take a little bit of everything to be respectful and appreciative of the host, and then enjoy what I am eating in moderation. 

The holidays are a great time for us to be present and connect with others. As people remember the way that they feel, (as opposed to the taste of the meals, the decorations, or expensive gifts) it’s great to focus on the experience and time well spent, and savor the moment as a result. The holidays can be a great reason to get together with people you haven’t seen in a while, and reflect and enjoy what can be the most wonderful time of the year. My wish for you is to enjoy, in whatever ways your holidays are spent.

 

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Is it really Mercury in Retrograde’s Fault? 🤷🏻‍♀️✨💫

Photo credit: NASA

When things go wrong, you might hear someone say “Well, it is Mercury in Retrograde!” But what does that mean, exactly? It means that there are multiple times of the year when it appears that Mercury is going backward in its orbit. It isn’t actually going backward - it just appears that way because Mercury has the shortest revolution and takes a quarter of the amount of time to circle the Sun as the Earth does. Because of this, it can appear that Mercury is going backward, but it is an optical illusion. All being said, this is the time when communication, intellect, memory and transportation can go awry, as these are the areas that Mercury is known for.

So when we see Mercury “going in the wrong direction,” computers won’t work, travel plans get delayed and we may start having miscommunication with people.

Being mindful that communication in all of its forms can be affected, including writing (articles, emails, texts and contracts for instance), presentation of ideas, and conversations with people. We may want to be cautious of signing any important contracts that we are not super clear on, read and review any outgoing texts or emails, and double check reservations are booked. Perhaps even give our loved ones a bit more wiggle room than usual if they offend us by saying something hurtful, or don’t get back to us in timely fashion. They probably didn’t mean it. 😇

Regarding transportation, long distance trips, or simply catching a local bus, subway or hailing a taxi can be affected. Plan accordingly and expect that our GPS may not work correctly, and know that we may hit lots of traffic or construction delays when we need to get somewhere in a hurry. 

Not that we can always avoid these things, but remaining flexible, calm and patient, knowing Mercury will “get out of its Retrograde” will help us feel more steady and grounded. 

So for that sake of planning, here are Mercury in Retrograde’s upcoming dates! 📅

December 13 to January 1, 2024

April 1 to April 24

August 4 to August 27

November 25 to December 15

* And thank you Niki for the idea for this blog! 😘

 

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