Healing the pain, without the apology.

This card is the Eight of Cups from the Tarot Deck Golden Art Nouveau by Giulia F. Massaglia

I chose this card in the tarot, as it represents emotional dissatisfaction and being able to walk away toward a journey of self discovery.  

                                                                

If we were in an accident, and were badly hurt, no one would ever say or expect us to “just deal with it” and move on. They would appear indifferent and heartless to even suggest it. Yet somehow, when we get our hearts broken, people will give that advice, especially if they are the ones who hurt us.

The “let’s move on” without discussing it, or us not getting the accountability we feel we deserve from those who hurt us, is about them, not us. Many times, when other people hurt us it is because they have not dealt with their own pain and loss. They have been told to “move on,” and haven’t grieved what has happened to them, and what has not happened for them. 

We all get triggered by our unresolved pain, instead of asking for help (and appearing weak) many of us lash out and hurt someone else instead. Addressing an open vulnerable conversation with them will be futile, as it is just too risky. They don’t want to hear what they have done when they were not at their best. So we all walk around a bit wounded, and stuff down our feelings. Then we may get told we are not strong enough if we can’t move on.

Strength is “looking the devil in the eye,” as they say. It is having the courage to face our pain and address it. It’s in those vulnerable times we find the courage to move on, as we have honored ourselves and the people we have hurt.

For some, being confronted with an comfortable situation will lead to defensiveness and denial, and may lead to personal insults. This is a defense mechanism, and has nothing to do with us.

But we don’t need that apology we may never get. We can heal on our own, without begging for understanding or over-explaining, and feeling small and insignificant. We are better than that, and we can hold onto our own spiritual sovereignty. Love from another wants to heal what they have done. Love for ourselves will not accept anything less.

I find that in order to feel the strength, I need to take good care of myself. It helps me to keep balanced. It is  going to bed early when I need to, eating healthy and light foods, moving (even if it’s not working out in the gym), journaling, talking things out with people I can trust, and treating myself as that little girl inside me who needs the pain to heal.

I am sending you love, and kindness - and assurance that your feelings are real and very much matter, even if you don’t get that apology.