The word “boundaries” can have a firm, and for some, a perceived harsh sound to it.
But setting boundaries is not just saying "no" for the sake of saying no.
Setting boundaries is saying "yes" to ourselves, our truth, our space, and our most precious resource, our time.
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When you think of your life, the most important person in it is you.
This is not meant to be selfish. We make ourselves whole in order to be there for others in an authentic way, without it being a negotiation.
As many of us know through experience, one of the biggest misconceptions is if we live our lives to please other people, we will get our needs met in return.
If we redirect, and focus on meeting our own needs, vision and happiness, we can truly be there for other people, because we will feel whole.
Focusing on who we are is fundamental to live an authentic, spiritual life, as we then allow ourselves to grow and keep growing.
Healthy individuals contribute to the health of the whole.
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Leaving our current circumstances can be difficult, but sometimes where we are is no longer serving us, and it is worse staying. Being fearless and exploring what is on the other side can help us grow emotionally and spiritually.
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This card is from one of my favorite decks, Golden Art Nouveau by Giulia
F. Massaglia.
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At times, we all get overwhelmed when we need to make decisions. Depending on the circumstances, the process can be difficult and daunting.
Breaking down our options, categorizing and prioritizing, making small changes, and not feeling that things are un-fixable are all ways to move forward. Trusting our intuition by tuning into our body intelligence will help us get real and keep us on our path.
Writing things down.
It's amazing how putting things on paper gives us a clearer perspective and helps us step away from the chatter in our minds.
Making a Pros and Cons list.
I find getting two lists together, side by side helps me get a better assessment of what is going on. Because not everything has the same weight, I rate each bullet from 1-5. This not only helps keep things in perspective, it also frees me up to write down even the most trivial things, knowing I will only rate it a 1 or a 2.
Journaling.
This is one of my favorite past times. When I audio journal into my phone and play it back to hear myself, it gives me objective insight. Writing down the worst case scenario helps because I realize most everything is fix-able. If it's not a risk I am completely comfortable with, I will take baby steps before I fully commit.
Tuning into your body intelligence.
Sit quietly, with no distractions, and ask the question you want the answer to. Really tune into the body so it can give you the instinctive answer you are looking for.
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The Devil in the Tarot represents the devil within, and the chains that
bind us. This includes holding onto earthly possessions, our addictions and anything that is holding us back from moving on and being the best version of who we are.
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This card is from one of my favorite decks, Golden Art Nouveau by Giulia
F. Massaglia.
If
you would like to see more posts on emotional and spiritual well being
and healing, please subscribe to my blog by sending an email to HolisticSpiritualLiving@yahoo.com.
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I was watching a video on instagram of a man talking about getting past some really difficult years. Now he’s on the other side, married, a new job, and happy, but it took a lot of work and re-navigation. He appreciates his happy life much more than he has in the past because of the difficulties he has overcome.
As we live in a world of polarity, we can’t understand what hot is unless we experience cold, or how if feels to be healthy, unless we have been ill.
Negative experiences show us what we need by our understanding of what we do not want, or need. This allows us to appreciate and hold the good things that we love close to our hearts.
If we are at a fork in the road and not sure what our next step should be, we can then risk trying something. Once we make the decision and move forward, we then have the experience to know what is right for us. Or if it is, “I don’t want to go through this again,” we can pivot and make a new plan.
The beauty of this process is that we are able to take some risks by having the opportunity to see what works for us and understanding what does not work. Our negative experiences magnify what is right in our journey, and through trial and error we discover what works best for us.
Is there a pattern? For me, after re-navigating my life in 2016, including where I was living, starting a new relationship, looking for work, and seeking friends, I realized the pattern for me was that if I am with the right people, I could do, and enjoy, almost anything.
Once you look back and see what has not worked for you, what would you like to experience as the polar opposite? And what would you like to avoid going forward?
What are the roads you would like to travel in your journey?
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Recently, I saw someone I had met only a handful of times, and as soon as I greeted her with a friendly hello, I saw her immediately get uncomfortable. Within minutes, she gave me a backhanded insult that had nothing to do with her, or anything that was going on in that moment.
I don’t know that I will ever understand why.
The real issue is, why couldn’t she just sit with her discomfort? Something triggered her, and only she knows what that trigger was. The irony is that within her discomfort, she lashed out at someone she hardly knew.
The reality is that we are all uncomfortable with something or someone, at some point. Sometimes it makes complete sense to us, other times, not so much. The real question is, how do we manage our present discomfort to become centered, and not pass it on to others?
Here are 4 tips:
1. Breathe. Take a minute and get some oxygen, so you can relax and take stock of yourself.
2. Ask yourself what is going on, so you can get some answers that can help you manage how you are feeling.
3. Focus and determine if something about the situation is reminding you of something else that you have not resolved. Is it problems in a current or past relationship, a past trauma, or an insecurity within yourself?
4. And lastly, are you physically uncomfortable? Take a minute to either sit down, drink some water, eat something small, get some air, or go to the restroom. Sometimes by putting ourselves on pause, we can collect ourselves.
Feelings and triggers are always something we can recover from. By getting centered from how we are feeling (and taking responsibility) before making a comment or an “observation” that will hurt, insult or embarrass someone, it may save our dignity and someone else’s feelings. In these moments, we can pivot. But fractures in relationships take much longer, if ever, to glue back together.
I hope this message resonates with you, and helps you on your path.
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